#cw implied trans pregnancy

[lesbianodysseus]

Chuuya in his mom era

I wanted to draw teen mom chuuya holding a baby, sue me (also Adam and Shirase cameo but in spirit, love this trio so much)

She is very eepy

[callmedylan]

I got bored and made a future Moomin valley AU and gave them all little happy families

So my Moomin valley fixation came back after like 5 whole years, and originally these were just meant to be one off little ship kid concepts but I grew attached to them and the idea of it and eventually it kinda evolved into a next generation AU in the span of like 3 days… Hope I’m not too late to the party chat…

I’ve been thinking up a LOT about this AU, but I’ll just give a basic run down rlly fast:

Lumi and Linna are best friends and basically take over the roles of snufkin and moomin, who are now lumis parents, the AU is very slice of life and follows a lot of the main lessons from the original moomin shows (Especially a veeeerrryyy familiar dilemma about a friend feeling sad over one choosing to leave for the winter)

Lumi is similar to Snufkin where she has a big urge to get away from social situations and be on her own, and can really only spend prolonged amount of time with her parents (or Linna in certain situations). Despite looking almost exactly like snufkin, she acts a lot like Joxter and it’s no suprise the two are actually very close especially considering their equal love for sleeping and hating authority. Despite her love for sleeping and her indifference to the idea of hibernation, ever since Lumi was able to choose she’s always chose to go south with Snufkin. Even if this makes Linna sad.

Linna is much more social than Lumi, and doesn’t mind speaking her mind and having fun with others. She takes after Snorkmaiden with her love for Romance, and often fantasizes about her “Prince Charming.” Linna, unlike Lumi, has hibernated for all her life, even after she was given the option to hibernate or not, she often wishes that Lumi would stay for the winter, but Lumi is insistent on traveling, but the two are always happy to meet again during the spring and go on their normal adventures. She usually acts as the “pact leader” and is often the one leading the games and day plans, but Lumi helps take charge when they are going on adventures as she is best at it.

There’s a couple side characters that are turned into more important roles, like for example in this AU the joxter is actually a reoccurring character !! (Let’s just pretend that Joxter and Snufkin met & rekindle their relationship and so now Joxter gets to be a silly grandfather!!)

That’s pretty much the basic rundown, and yes I did choose to ship snorkmaiden and Ninny, it was last minute but I thought it’d be actually rlly cute unironically.

Anyways Here’s some extra doodles I made cause I wanted to attempt to replicate Tove’s doodling style to finish off this post, so enjoy these!! And thank you for reading!!

[galactic-rhea]

The Midi-chlorian essay only a few asked

(or, How Is Anakin Skywalker a walking biological horror)

So I made this post and a few were actually interested, also i needed to write down all of this or I wouldn't be able to sleep.

The way I went just from "hahaha they're just mitochondria before becoming forced symbionts and losing all autonomy" to the Medical Horror that would be Anakin Skywalker .

Let me explain, going from this theory, let me tell you that the average mammal cell can have between 800 to 2000 mitochondria. In Star Wars we're told that the average living being, has 2500 midi-chlorians per cell. The difference isn't that big, so we can assume that mid-chlorians are smaller than our real-life mitochondria, and it would make sense since the mitochondria have the best possible living conditions, whereas midi-chlorians, if they're free-life bacteria (as in, they aren't forced to live in the cells of another being) it would make sense if they're just smaller, let's say, sneaky, to increment their chances at living.

So Midi-chlroains don't just produce ATP, Force sensitives have a minimum of 4000-5000 midi-chlorians per cell. That's...a big number, but not very horrific. See, the amount of mitochondria is related to how much energy the organic tissue requires. The cells of muscular tissue and neurons are the ones with the highest mitochondria count. Also the mitochondria in the neurons are mobile and flexible, because just thinking burns ATP.

We can assume that using The Force burns insane amounts of ATP, so I assume it makes sense for Force Sensitives to have big amounts of Midi-chlorians. But! The problem with this is that we're told that the Midi-chlorians are attracted to the force, not born within it. But any multicelullar organism (with a few exceptions) need the mitochondria. Mitochondria have their own ADN, and they're always inherited from the mother, so we can assume that there's two different types of midi-chlorians: The ones any normal being borns with, and the ones that get attracted because of the baby's force potential. Either that, or both the mithocondria and the midi-chlorians exist simultaneously.

Which means that Jedi (or anyone who wants to know, really) would need to take several blood tests for midi-chlorians count. Because a newborns midi-chlorian count wouldn't be the same through a babie's infancy. UNLESS...The midi-chlorian infection (yes, i'm calling it that) ocurrs already since the pregnancy, if the force is strong enough for a fetus to be a possible force sensitive in the future, then I guess the midi-chlorians would get attracted to the parent during the pregnancy as well.

WHICH BTW, IT FITS WITH PADMÉ BECOMING FORCE SENSITIVE, at least for a while, like the discarded ROTS concepts. But also, would mean, that poor Shmi became a hella strong force-sensitive person as well, at least for a while.

And it would be a biological advantage if we take this route, because it would possibly make the pregnant being stronger and with a higher supply of energy.

It also explains why the jedi would only take a single blood test when the force sensitive is just a baby, because the infection is already settled. It can also be argued, that any baby born with a fairly high amount of midi-chlorians (like the 4000 per cell count minimum) would only increase, if only slightly, as the force sensitive grows because the midi-chlorians will get attracted regardless.

There must be a limit, or more like, a balance, that the midi-chlorian and the force potential of the individual met. As in, there's just enough force within the individual for a certain number of midi-chlorian, and all of this is probably decided already during the fetus formation or very early on the baby's life.

Now, Anakin...would be an abomination. Because his cells are so full of midi-chlorians, that it's scary to think how the cells aren't exploding or downright giving malfunctions to the rest of the cellular organelles.

If we go by the route of "midi-chlorians start infecting the force sensitive host mother during pregnancy" it means there were high chances of a misscarriage or an incompatibility between Shmi and Anakin, because holy cow, Anakin is just too much.

But you know what also, it could potentially mean? That Padmé's pregnancy was a risky one, fron the start -slowly nods-. Luke and Leia's force potential was lower than Anakin's, but there's still a lot to unpack there in terms of compatibility. We are never given the exact count of midichlorian count for the twins, but let's pretend it was low enough for Padmé to not inmediatly have a miscarriage. That, and also, maybe, Padmé isn't strong in the force to manipulate it, but maybe just close enough for the pregnancy to be carried to term, let's say, her midi-chlorian count is 3900, close enough.

Something similar with Shmi, I'm taking for granted that she also had a difficult and risky pregnancy (on top of it being a pregnancy she had no agency). It becomes worse because, unlike the twins, Anakin is just...50% human. The only possible genes Anakin has are from Shmi. So he's probably...genetically, almost a clone of Shmi but with a massive infection of Midi-chlorians (yes, this implies that Anakin has homogametic sex chromosomes, aka XX, there's no other possible explanation because he literally only has Shmi's genes to work with!).

But he's Space Jesus, though,so let's pretend that the "no father genes" helped with this and allowed Anakin to grow into a...normal-ish baby despite it all.

Midi-chlorians must be extremelly small, closer to the size of a virus in this case, viruses vary on size and the way they infect the cells is by hijacking the nucleus, which then can produce more viruses instead of its own proteins. This can vary anywhere between a production of 50.000 to 100.000 viruses produced by infected cells.

Which, btw, still fits somewhat with the mitochondria theory, because mitochondrias are believed to have been from a genus of bacteria called Rickettsia, which used to be believed to be the in-between of Viruses and Bacteria due their small size and extreme endosymbiotism.

Still, we aren't even told how many midi-chlorians Anakin had, just that it was over 20.000 and thus the chart couldn't even register it. Even if we're just counting 21.000 midi-chlorians per cell, that's...a lot. Even if the relationship is symbiotic and positive in nature, that's excessive, an infected cell will usually die faster. So Anakin's cellular death must be on record time.

The life span of a cell varies highly depending of the type of cells, white cells can live about 2 days, others about 5, and then there's others that live about 6 years in average.

Forget all of that, Anakin's cells die anywhere between a few hours and a week. Which also means a super fast regeneration and healing (Hey! that tracks, that's how he didn't die even though he should have, on several ocassions).

But that's not the only problem here, the production of energy is strong with this one, too strong. Again this should make the cells burst due too much ATP because of an increase on osmotic pressure. Anakin is producing so much damn ATP (which we can assume it becomes glycogen stored in muscles and fat tissue) his need to be active and just doing something skyrockets, he might as well be the equivalent of being high on meth since birth.

The accelerated cellular formation and death, gives me the horrific idea that Anakin was probably one of these babies that are born premature, but also that he probably was bron with, idk, teeth and already lots of hair. Maybe that's also why he got so tall of all sudden, lots of cellular grow, huh.

Anakin seems to age normally by what are we given by canon. So despite it all, his life-span or aging doesn't seem to be compromised, this is probably because of how strong he is with the Force. In the sense that...he needs the midi-chlorians to handle this much power, but he also needs the force to handle with that many midi-chlorians, otherwise he would have been already born dead.

See, ageing has a lot to do with stem cells. Anakin's stem cells need to be highly prolific and potent to keep cellular division happening at such a high rate, we can infer that any force sensitive has potent stem cells, so the force must inherently affect stem cells. So Anakin's stem cells must be monstruosities in efficiency. If Anakin donated stem cells to someone else, that person would either have a strong inhumne reaction against them or they would get some of the worst cancer ever seen. Again I'm no expert, but the fact Anakin doesn't develop cancer at all as soon as he was born is already impressive. The rate in which Anakin's cells die must be ridiculous, even has a baby, he must have required tons of energy and endure lots of stress which...tracks. The fact he gets electroshocked, burned, gravely wounded or whatever every week or so, must help him to no develop some cancer, which is a bit funny.

But it would also mean he can go long periods of time without eating or resting like...a normal human. Not saying that he doesn't need it, though, but his neural activity and use of the force must be high at all times to burn out that much energy. Theoretically, the production of glycose and glycogen helps him through long periods without sleep or food so he doesn't get long-term damage, or at the very least the ability to keep going, like I said, maybe is like being on drugs all the time; there's still the need to sleep and eat, but he can push his body to keep surviving beyond what's considered normal without having long-term damage. (Don't get happy, this isn't taking into account all of the stuff that happens to him, lol)

The balance between burning too much energy and not burning enough must be insane as well. As Vader, a lot of this probably watered down because all of his energy must be saved for...you know, surviving all the torture. But as a young teen/man amist war? Oh boy.

I'm not an expert, but I'm theorizing that putting Anakin in an induced sleeep must be...fricking hard. Painkillers that work on him? fricking hard. Anesthesia? Probably the same used for big animals, he must be insane and awful for a doctor to work with! Just imagine it, he probably gets injured in such a way that would have anyone else fall unconscious, but Anakin remains awake and with tremendous amounts of adrenaline triggered by a stress response sustented by the extreme amounts of energy that the midichlorians produce.

When it happens in the central nervious system, excess of ATP can produce neuronal dysfunction. In fact, many degenerative mental illnesses have a lot to do with a malfunction of the mitochondrias. There's a corelation also with neurodivergency sometimes, like autism or ADHD. I will leave it there.

And with all of this...I also conclude that Anakin, on general basis, doesn't like sugary things and doesn't even rationalize why, but is because he has already enough glycose. Having something sugary probably gives him a headache.

God what has Star Wars done to me.

[hill-art02]

Happy Fiddleford Friday, everyone :)

(Yes, Stan's the father)

[wormchamp72]

Thoughts on m preg jtk?

See, this is a topic that calls for a very nuanced discussion due 2 the sensitive of mpreg, especially in relation 2 Jeff the Killer.

Who impregnated Jeff the Killer? I find that this is a very important thing 2 consider because the father (or mother or non-binary parent) could really influence the decision. Are they a dead beat? Would they divorce but pay child support? Or would they and Jeff the Killer live life as a happily married couple? I personally would only want Jeff 2 have a child with someone who is always there 2 love and support him.

Did Jeff WANT this pregnancy? The Worm is a firm believer in the mantra "My body, my choice," and this naturally applies 2 mpreg JTK. I believe that he should be able 2 get an abortion if he so chooses, regardless of if his partner OR the author wishes for him 2 go through with it. It's Jeff the Killer's body, godd@mn 1t, and it's HIS choice.

Now, I personally believe that bringing any child in2 this 3ffed up world is morally reprehensible (RE: my parents. Mother is currently pregnant and STILL refuses 2 see the light on abortion), and Jeff would naturally believe the same.

In conclusion, before you write an mpreg Jeff the Killer fic, ask yourself: Is this what Jeff would want?

[cellophane-wasps]

Eddie Gluskin has a very strange grip on trans people and cis women. I rarely see cis gay men who are into him. Maybe the whole castration thing is too much for them. I am not going to say everything perfectly in this "dissertation" because I am in a manic episode. Please keep this in mind.

This is outlast and Eddie Gluskin. So CW for canon typical themes. I'm also gonna speak on certain things trans people deal with, along with the connection between trauma and kink, so enter at your own discretion.

I think for all of us, there's something about the dichotomy between violent slur throwing sex obsessed brute, and charming old timey gentleman. The former ties into the appeal of bodice rippers, and the latter is just... He's an older gentleman who calls you darling and dear and seems to have this reverence for you. This all consuming "love". Plus there's the "I can fix him/I'll be the exception" thing.

Now for us transgendereds. Trans people have this unique tie in to Eddie. I don't want to concretely speak on Trans men, because I am a doll, not a t-bloke. So take everything here with a grain of salt. Trans men are men, but they are all too familiar with the plights of how men treat women. There's the concept of being ABLE to appeal to Eddie's nuclear family delusions and obsession with pregnancy, while also being a man. You can read his actions in the game however you want, but there is a pretty solid interpretation of internalized homophobia. Trans men solve both of those issues. (Plus there's the whole force femme thing that plenty of trans men are into. Trauma and kink are a flat circle for many).

Now onto my demographic. The dolls. We know what it's like to have it implied that we're leading men on. We're all too familiar with a man who's into us, finds out we're trans, and becomes agitated and believes we're leading him on and tempting him (despite showing no signs of attraction). Trans women have a special relationship with castration. For those of us who want to be surged, it is by definition castration. We aren't as viscerally disturbed by it as cis men are. Like trans men there is this level of playing into Eddie's obsessions, but in reverse. You are a woman. You can be the housewife. But you also have the "vulgarity" that he is so fixated on. There's this level of "if I am already a woman, maybe that would be enough for his delusions".

Frankly, I think Eddie would be as satisfied with a cis woman as he is with a cis man. His initial crimes that had him institutionalized were against cis women. So for us trans people, the "best of both worlds" thing really does potentially apply here. As an aside, I feel like saying this is unfortunately necessary. Cis bi people, please don't call us the best of both worlds, it leans into the "heshe shemale" thing along with the "trans men are just tomboys" thing. We are not a concept, or a fantasy, or an object. We are people. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Respect it, or you are not for us.

I don't really know how to approach enbies attraction to Eddie aside from again, "best of both worlds" which again. Transphobic. Most enbies don't aim for perfect androgyny.

Cis women. If you don't look at Eddie's in game actions as internalized homophobia, you are what he desires. There is the trauma aspect of Eddie being a misogynistic abusive murderer. But he's also a sweet, crooning, doting gentleman. Trauma tied in with the prototypical ideal man. You are what he wants. You can fix him. You can give him the nuclear family he so desires.

In the end. We're all convinced we can fix him (or make him worse), we all like that he's a dangerous gentleman, we all have the dealing with trauma through kink thing, and we all love this fucked up, handsome, poor sweet hurt man. Amen.

[snakesartblog]

I spent a day or two digging through BKMN for analysis, and I’ve got some interesting stuff to share! 

CWs: referenced sexual assault, murder, pregnancy

I'm writing this so that anyone could read it and have some understanding of it, even if they haven't read BKMN. This isn’t a formal essay and there isn’t one specific point that I’m getting at, but I’d argue that the central theme of the story is desire vs coercion.

WEGG

Wegg is the protagonist of BKMN and the symbolism around his storyline isn’t particularly subtle. It’s about finding acceptance as a man, especially following loss of bodily autonomy in sexual assault (unfortunately tends to be viewed as feminine). Following debatably consensual sex with the Swans, Wegg is cursed to die every month, a pretty clear parallel to menstruation, and then he “gives birth” to Calum. The connections from the assault to these things, very dysphoria-inducing for many transmascs, and his need to find meaning and masculinity of his own, I think exemplify the central theme of the book.

His desire for  masculinity and acceptance are very present through the entire book. Even his mannerisms and speech seem very intentionally masculinized, especially in contrast with mild-mannered Neighbor. I’d be surprised if this wasn’t purposeful on his part! In a symbolic sense, he finds acceptance and recognition with Neighbor, another trans person, when he explains his need to die each month and Neighbor takes it in stride. Despite the loss of autonomy he experienced and how it continues to affect him, he finds a place for himself among other trans people. Moreover, he’s homeless - lacking acceptance and community - until he moves in with Neighbor, and when he says that he doesn’t typically eat enough, from then on we see Neighbor cook or buy him food constantly. The symbolism here is pretty strong I think! Wegg feels that he is only accepted or loved when performing a femininity that he hates (as victim/messiah for the Swans and also demonstrated in the flashbacks to his past) until he finds others like him. 

NEIGHBOR

Neighbor is a super interesting way to write a trans character and weave transness into their storyline, in my opinion. It’s established from the first few pages of the book that he kills people, but specifically people who he perceives as harmful to others. Despite filling a classic “violent cis man” niche, a serial killer, he’s aware of his situation and power differentials around him and directs his necessary killing towards at least a less harmful route. Even the very first person we see Neighbor kill, in the opening of the book, is heavily implied to be the target because he committed sexual assault against his partner. He also doesn’t kill out of a desire to do so, and the moment Wegg offers his own blood, giving Neighbor a way out from the murders, Neighbor jumps at the opportunity. Compare this with Rarold, who I’d argue is a foil to Neighbor. They’re both relative outsiders in the community, they both butt heads with Tillman in one way or another, and they both kill people - but Rarold kills only because he wants to, he has no need to do so like Neighbor, and he is exclusively seen targeting young women. Rarold represents the sexist violence typically found in the stories of real-life serial killers, and in doing so makes it clear that Neighbor is not that kind of person.

Neighbor’s position in the town is also interesting, especially in comparison to Wegg’s. Neighbor is a member of the Baths community, arguably due to the services he provides for its members, but he’s still an outsider; no one knows him that well, he has no friends until he meets Wegg, and Tillman gets a bad vibe from him. In the context of this narrative about transmasculinity, there’s a lot there - Neighbor passes as a man thanks to his deal with Trudy, and he pays dearly for it with the murders he enacts. He asks Tillman not to disclose his first name, a name he never uses, to anyone following their trip to the Trudy temple “for safety purposes,” a mirror to the way any stealth trans person might talk about a legal name they never changed. Neighbor is accepted as a man in this pillar of the community, traditionally masculine provider role that he’s built for himself, but he’s still an outsider, and knows that he would risk losing the support of those around him were he open about his transness. To maintain his personal safety he trades openness regarding his identity, close relationships with those around him, and his conception of his own morality (he says multiple times that he doesn’t consider himself a good person due to the murders he has to commit). Even so, despite his lack of close ties to the cisgender people in the community and his idea of himself as a bad person, he tries to direct his killing to reduce the harm he’s doing, he helps Tillman find Trudy, houses Wegg, and does chores for, like, half the town of Baths. Despite his position, he clearly cares about the people around him and wants to be a positive influence.

As a note, there’s a bit of Biblical symbolism connected to Neighbor, but it’s not consistent. I couldn’t find a properly reliable source for it, but the internet says that the name Adie was originally a diminutive of Adam. He built his own body, making him his own God, and was cast out from Eden (became an outsider in the community) in the process. His original body was also burned on a cross following his deal with Trudy!

THE GODS

I think the conflict of the story is most concisely exemplified in the conflict between Trudy and Calum. Trudy represents desire itself, as the book very explicitly tells us. She’s the snake in Eden of Neighbor’s symbolism, and her devotees follow her very willingly. Trudy’s religion is decidedly voluntary, she grants her followers’ desires and only takes what they’re willing to give. She requires Neighbor kill people because it’s within his capacity, but Tillman isn’t required to harm others at all - dealing with Trudy is morally neutral and never seems to be forced. Calum, on the other hand, was forced onto Wegg, and represents a loss of autonomy for the power of others. The followers of the two gods are juxtaposed, especially in the ways Wegg and Tillman are treated as new followers of Calum and Trudy respectively. The fight scene between the two gods in the climax of the book is symbolic of the central themes of desire and consent.

[blubbed]

ZOE ADRIEN SHORT STORY MASTERPOST‼️‼️‼️

1. Divorce And Metamorphosis — A trans woman named Miya introspects. Unfortunately not accessible online. Available on Foglifter Press Issue 7.2 here!

2. This Is How We Get Through This — Teen siblings Marya and Clara navigate divine pregnancy. First published in the Fall 2022 issue of Wrongdoing Magazine. Print issue available here. Also available online here via body fluids lit. CW: teen pregnancy, teen childbirth, cannibalism, religious themes.

3. She's Gone! — A girl named Lucy keeps disappearing. Surreal and sapphic. Published by the Origami Review. Available online here.

4. Your Novel And You — A small, silly, and fast-paced piece about you, your novel, and a series of holes. Published by JAKE. Available online here. CW: gore, implied cannibalism.

5. Hush, Moan — A short and atmospheric read about baby gays in a church retreat. Published in Issue 03 of body fluids lit. Available online here. CW: religious themes, masturbation.

6. Eating Her — Butch lesbian eats her dead robot ex-girlfriend. Less fun than it sounds. Available via PDF on dog teeth lit via Issue 3: Periphery! CW for descriptions of surgery.

7. Baby Bones — A preteen girl engages in morbid hobbies and an angel grapples with gender all while a heatwave slowly cripples the country. Live on the debut issue of Haunted Portal Magazine. Available online here. CW for animal death and descriptions of surgery.

8. Hatchlings — A newly-awakened butch teen connects/reconnects with her masculinity through interspecies motherhood. Kind of a meditation on birds, gardening, and letting your buzzcut grow out. Self-published (for now) and available online here.

🌅🌈‼️❤️✨⭐️🥰🔥💿🦈📝🌈🌅

that's it for now! if you've read any of these i would love to know what you think. reblogs rlly help me ! spread the word of zoe adrien. first couple chapters of my novella BABY BIRDS is also available in my kofi for pay-what-you-can and on this tumblr blog (@lactation) for absolutely free. that's it love you!

[ohwhatagloomyshow]

gemmahelena: I never sought to love you

Guess what, we're gonna test run another gemmahelena on Tumblr before posting to ao3! I know fanfic is something you write for yourself first and others second but I'm already imagining this one being a bit long and part of me doesn't want to dive too deeply into it if it wouldn't have an interested audience, you know?

AU set before the show, where Gemma meets Helena under unusual circumstances, where Helena has a rather direct role in targeting folks that Lumon could use for Cold Harbor. As implied above, I anticipate this being multi-chapter, switching between Gemma's and Helena's POVs. My thought is friends to lovers to enemies. ~2500 words.

CW: Discussions of perinatal loss.

It’s only when she’s two wines deep, Mark softly snoring beside her and sleep nowhere to be found, that she finally crawls out of bed to dig the crumpled flyer out of her jacket pocket.

She can’t even blame Sandy for it, as much as she wants to. Sandy, their new undergraduate admin, was using Ganz’s paltry education credit program to take night classes to pursue a new career in counseling. She was just doing her job (well, “job”), passing out flyers in the Humanities building. Gemma had even been happy to see her that morning; the university had updated their travel reimbursement policy and she had questions.

“Hi, Dr. Scout!” Sandy had positioned herself at the skyway connecting Humanities and Science, a decent place for foot traffic. She held in her arm a bundle of flyers and Gemma had started to decline one until it was shoved, rather confidently, into her hand. “Next week the counseling center is going to start hosting the local perinatal loss support group while St. Mark’s finishes its renovations. I told them I’d pass these out, try to let as many people on campus know about it as I can!” She was so bubbly, handing out such depressing flyers, shades of blue and pink that to the unsuspecting eye would look like a flyer for a transgender student support group.

She’d really rather go to a trans student support group; the handful of trans students she’d had tended to be the most open and engaged of any of her kids. That wasn’t a bad idea, actually, she and Mark had been lightly scolded for not involving themselves more with student orgs - 

“It doesn’t matter if you yourself haven’t experienced pregnancy loss,” Sandy continued, and it was clear she’d been doing this all day, trying to break through to folks who immediately emotionally checked out, “there’s also a group for anyone supporting someone through pregnancy loss, like a friend or relative. It’ll be every first Monday of the month! We’ll have snacks!” 

It had taken all of her self control not to crumple the flyer up immediately, but that would’ve only started a conversation she really, truly, didn’t want to have. She had just nodded, said that she would pass the information along in her circle, asked her most pressing question as briefly and quickly as possible, and shoved the flyer into her coat pocket the second Sandy had turned her head.

She’d heard about the support group from her OBGYN when she had that very first miscarriage four years ago, so early in their marriage. She hadn’t even realized she was pregnant - hadn’t even realized she wanted to be a mother - when her spotting was much heavier than normal and she’d called her doctor’s office. 

“I’m glad you called, because a miscarriage means something’s up with the IUD,” her doctor had informed her, casually but sympathetically, over speakerphone. Mark had been beside her, a little freaked out by the blood loss she’d described to him. He rubbed the small of her back in slow, warm circles. “We’ll get you in over the next few days; make sure you’re using secondary protection until then. In the meantime, if you or your husband need any help processing this in any way, my patients have had great things to say about St. Mark’s Lutheran’s support group. They’re on the corner of South High and West Market - I can send you more information if you’re interested?”

“No, that’ll be okay, Dr. Sharma,” Mark had replied on her behalf, before she really had a chance to think about the offer. Not that she would’ve accepted it, it just would’ve been nice to decline on her own. “We’re just glad this wasn’t something bigger.”

But it is big, Mark, she’d wanted to interrupt right then, the enormity of the conversation finally hitting her. It’s maybe the biggest thing in the world. The IUD was out a few days later, replaced by pills as she considered other options. 

But once the thought was in her head she couldn’t get rid of it. She hadn’t realized Mark had been the same way until he brought home the crib. They had celebrated rather enthusiastically that afternoon, and when they’d finished she called her doctor’s office to cancel her next refill.

It had been so fun, in the beginning. He’d always been an enthusiastic lover but this was different: sacred and holy, every touch full of meaning and potential. They never talked about it directly - it was funny, how many things they didn’t need to talk about. It was just in Mark’s expression, the way he carried himself after buying that crib: some new confidence in the set of his shoulders, an additional pep in his step, although she wondered if that was just the result of more frequent fucking. 

They had tried so hard, once. 

She finds the paper in her right coat pocket, crumpled around her keys; even though Mark is down the hall, she tries to be quiet as she presses its wrinkles out, tilting it so she can ready by the light of the moon streaming through the kitchen window. 

NOW AT GANZ U COUNSELING CENTER: Struggling with pregnancy loss? Looking for someone who “gets it”? St. Mark’s Lutheran Church hosts a gathering of mothers, fathers, and loved ones and friends to share experiences and provide support. Meetings @ 7PM the 1st Monday of every month. Snacks and drinks provided!

She sighs, considers getting another glass and opening a fresh bottle of wine. Thinks about the empty bottles piling up in their recycling, nearly turning into his-and-hers, although her consumption has never been as frequent as his. Still, it hasn’t…been great. She knows it hasn’t been great. 

Fuck it - her Monday classes go until 5PM. Staying an extra few hours won’t be a problem. She might get caught up on grading, even. And it’s only once a month.

~~

She circles the Counseling Center three times before she finds the courage to go in. It’s outrageous to be so nervous - nearly one in four pregnancies end in early miscarriages, she is neither unique nor special in this regard, women have had early trimester miscarriages since the dawn of time, and anyway, she and Mark are fine! Why would she need to talk about her feelings with absolute strangers -

She watches a couple walk up the old wooden steps, and then a small group of female friends, and then forces her own feet up the creaking porch steps.

She’s only been in the Counseling Center a handful of times over the last seven years, always to help escort students up these very steps, and she’s pleasantly surprised at how warm and welcoming it is. The lighting is soft, the furniture organized to be as opening and conversational as possible although she’s sure that’s just for tonight’s event. There are cookies and brownies and tea and decaf coffee laid out on opposite tables against the walls, and she heads to the coffee just for something to do with her hands. 

After a cursory glance around the room she’s so relieved to realize she doesn’t recognize anyone here. At least, not well enough - they are faces she’s seen around campus and around town, but no one who knows her or knows Mark by name, as far as she can remember. Certainly no one she knows by name. Sandy’s flitting around but that’s okay, she won’t stay at Ganz forever and this is good practice for her, anyway. 

She decides to meander in the refurbished farmhouse as the volunteers continue setting up the two group rooms, one for the parents and one for the concerned loved ones. She wants to flip a coin to decide where she’ll go first, if it’s worth ripping the bandaid off for the group she actually belongs to or if her time would be better spent doing reconnaissance. She thinks about Mark - wishes for just a moment that she had told him, rather than given him a grading excuse - and decides she’d rather know how the friends and family talk about loss rather than surround herself with depressed childless couples. 

We used to be a depressed childless couple, she immediately scolds herself, wincing at her inner cruelty. The decaf burns her lips and she wants to tell karma “Yes, okay, I get it,” but instead she quietly follows other strangers into the room that’s quickly identified as the support-support group.

There’s a good number of people here, and they all move in on the chairs, so she chooses to stand in the poorly lit back corner. There are pamphlets all over about every problem under the sun a college student could have and she contemplates taking a few to keep in her office until she’s distracted by a gentle whiff of very expensive perfume.

(She can hear Mark in her ear, gently mocking when she tells him about tonight. “How could you even know that? Are you a sommelier in perfume now? Do they even have those?” And she would push against his shoulder and say something like “Stop shitting on my seventh sense.”)

But it’s a deep scent, warm and spicy, and it makes her think of leaves in autumn when she turns to look at her new neighbor, breathing heavy after rushing in just before the volunteers closed the doors. She’s a pretty white woman, several years younger but too old to be a student, long red hair trailing down her back, fashionable black square glasses framing eyes lined boldly in black. She looks remarkably nervous for someone in the friends-and-families space, and Gemma can’t help but reach out and touch the girl’s arm. She jumps slightly, her eyes wide when she turns.

“You okay?” Gemma asks, attempting to give a thumbs up before realizing her coffee is still in her hand. She puts it down on a nearby table to finish the gesture.

The girl gives a confused half-smile and returns the gesture. Gemma grins, pats her arm, picks her coffee back up and sips. Standing next to someone even more uncomfortable than her is an unexpected balm to her anxiety.

When the meeting starts, she’s pleased at the laid-back attitude of their facilitator. They’re plump with a warm and open face in their mid-fifties and introduce themself as someone who struggled with perinatal loss with their partner, who then took that pain and turned it into a career in therapy. 

“I’m not here to be anybody’s therapist tonight. We’re all here to talk to and learn from each other. We’re all here because we love someone who is going through something really, really challenging. We’re here to practice listening and experience what it’s like to be heard.”

They guide the room in introducing themselves but encourage that no one should introduce themself if they’re uncomfortable doing so. Gemma skips, as does the woman beside her. No one bats an eye.

The facilitator, Birdy, reminds the group that everything said here is confidential and provides a few tips on how to actively listen. And then they’re off.

Something unlocks in Gemma’s chest as she listens to these vulnerable strangers, who ask each other how long their friends might feel grief, how to keep their grief from overshadowing their sister’s, their best friend’s, their parents'. She’s never quite thought of herself as a person worthy of the label of grief, of mourning: only one of her pregnancies had made it into the second trimester. 

She is learning, very quickly, how wrong she’s been. 

She thinks about Mark immediately, vividly - imagines the sardonic comments he would make to keep himself at a remove, picking apart people’s thought and speech patterns, egging her on to do the same. But in this moment, she just can’t. The room feels almost holy.

And then it’s over: Birdy opens the door and they’re welcome to rejoin their friends and family from the other session. Snacks and drinks have been refreshed. It’s only 8PM. 

She’s in a bit of a daze as she makes her way back to the decaf, grabbing another cup. The rich-smelling pretty young woman is picking apart a chocolate chip cookie with her thumb and forefinger, crumbling it into smaller and smaller parts on her plate as she watches the other guests mingle, her eyes focused. 

“What did that cookie ever do to you?” She can’t help but comment - the agitation in the young woman’s hands is so different from the calm stillness of her body.

Again, the redhead jumps, like she’s alarmed at being noticed. She looks at her plate like her hand has been operating on autopilot, which Gemma guesses it had been. “Oh, uh. Guess that was…a little intense in there.” Her voice is low and slow, very controlled and well-enunciated. This young woman is a mass of contradictions, Gemma notices now: jeans stylishly ripped at the knees, Converse looking fresh out of the store, and a buttoned-up flannel even though it’s not quite cold enough for that yet. She looks like someone trying very hard to look comfortable, but the way she holds her body is much too stiff.

“Kind of bizarre when people just…talk about their feelings, right?” Gemma replies, forcing a joke into her tone that doesn’t quite belong.

Either the young woman is taking pity on her, or she’s actually succeeded in connecting with a stranger at a perinatal support group. Who would’ve thought? “It was like being on safari, trying to stay still enough just to observe.” At this she opens her eyes wide like a deer, holds herself in utter stillness that’s a bit uncanny. Gemma surprises herself laughing.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Helly.”

“Gemma.”

~~

She can’t believe she has to wait three weeks for the next session. She can’t believe she can’t wait to go to the next session. She’s not entirely sure if it’s because of how comfortable that room felt, or if she’s excited to shoot the shit with Helly again. 

She’s ready to talk to Mark about it. Because who knows? Maybe he just needs to be in this kind of environment to open up a little.

The house is dark when she pulls in, but that doesn’t always mean anything. The lights from the bedroom aren’t always visible from the driveway. She’s preparing what she’ll say as she unlocks the door: “Listen, I know it’s silly, but Sandy kinda cornered me on Friday and I had to check it out….”

The house is cold and dark and quiet.

A thousand years ago - back in the beginning, when everything was fresh and new - “don’t wait up for me, I have grading to finish” had typically been code for sex. It had been code for Please wait for me, let’s try out that new toy or lingerie. Sometimes it just meant Let’s fall asleep together after a long day apart. But it had always meant Welcome me home with open arms. 

She can’t remember when that stopped.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I think we all knew this day would come

Brahms mpreg

Pregnant!Brahms x Reader

The can of worms was opened with the wigglestein pregnancy hcs theres no turning back now

I need to rewatch the boy

Notes: Brahms implied to be trans (also based), Reader is GN

CWs: Pregnancy

Oh hohoho buddy you thought he was clingy before? Get ready for it to be taken to the next level, because hes not going to let you leave his sight- he even leaves the walls to make sure of that

His parents likely didnt teach him about sexual education and that stuff- he MIGHT of seen it mentioned in books because I have a bunch that old ass mansion has a library in there somewhere

Of course even before you were expecting you fill him in on it as well as a quick lesson on reproduction- so he at least knows what hes doing as well as what hes getting himself into and risking... can see this as a general hc honestly

Very nasty moods as things progress, refuses to leave the bed at some point and insists you care for him

I said he was clingy but hes also dying for affection and attention, so you better be doting on him the entire time as well as while hes recovering afterwards

You have to ban him from crawling around in the walls at some point because theres just.. too much risk there not to mention the dust and the possibility of him falling ect ect ect

If he wasnt so keen on sticking around you he would have pouted about the wall thing

[k4vehrtz2]

➷...MALE READER INSERTS

GAMES

GENSHIN IMPACT

RESIDENT EVIL

↳ housewarming — top/dom leon s. kennedy

cw: leon has a sex dungeon in his basement and is slightly mean, friends to lovers trope, masturbation, handjobs, oral (reader giving and receiving), chest referred to as tits, nipple play, petnames (sweetheart, angel), praise, cum swallowing, overstimulation, bondage / light bdsm, creampie, slight dumification.

SERIES

CRIMINAL MINDS

ANIMES

ATTACK ON TITAN

JUJUTSU KAISEN

↳ fuck the landlord — top/dom toji fushiguro

cw: pwp, protected & unprotected sex, feminization, breeding kink, discussions of pregnancy, anal, minor degradation, creampie, cockwarming, implied dom/sub dynamic

↳ you're a crisis of my faith — top/dom toji fushiguro

cw: porn with some plot, sacrilege, a copious amount of religious themes, priest! reader, virgin reader ergo loss of virginity, allusion to homophobia / internalised homophobia, unprotected sex, blowjob (r receiving), deepthroating, fingering, riding, creampie, toji lowkey has a corruption kink, use of the nickname 'angel', toji refers to the reader as father once but that is entirely in a religious sense

↳ yours, mines, ours — top/dom nanami kento

cw: mentions of blood due to a minor injury, soft -> mean -> soft dom! nanamin, cucking ergo exhibition bc kuna def wants to fuck you, possessive! nanami, crybaby! vessel! reader, use and variations of the word slut, established dom/sub dynamic, hole inspection, light masochism, dacryphilia, shower sex, minor daddy / sir k., implied age gap n zero prep

MY HERO ACADEMIA

↳ starboy — top/dom shōta aizawa

cw: vaginal descriptions, use of the word cunt, mentions of testosterone, exhibition, age gap (though not specified, both are adults), coach/athlete trope(?), oral (reader receiving), squirting, being caught masturbating, biting, at some point it is implied that shō may have a negative reaction to the reader being trans but he does not.

[proship-confessional]

cw underage, trans/teen pregnancy, vague implied nsft

being haunted by twink getting mpregged (tmasc style) but it's his bff's and they're 15 and freaking out bc their midwest schooling fucking sucks and no one told them anything so now they need to keep every adult they know in a 5 mile radius from finding out lest they be throttled (definite exagg, but twink's parents are the type to kick him out)

did i say haunted? i mean i need to write this asap

-rarepair anon

⍨⃝ ⍢⃝ ⍣⃝ ⍥⃝

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 8

cw: implied/referenced transphobia, trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

Simon hears Johnny loud and clear. Nods his head a little and sits back into the couch. He tries to speak, no words coming from his mouth, and he eventually commits himself to silence.

He agrees with Johnny. He doesn’t want to die in the field, lose his life on foreign ground, potentially not even get a slither of his body back to even bury, and he can’t imagine Elizabeth having to cope with that. He doesn’t want her to end up as fucked up as he was.

Before he can comprehend even making a full sentence, his phone vibrates on the chair beside him and Price’s name lights up the screen.

“We can carry on talking later,” Johnny assures, “I know you’re going to want time, Si. Take Price’s call.”

Simon nods and grabs his phone, placing it to his ear and managing a small ‘yeah’ as he answers the call.

“I have answers.” Is all Simon gets. No hello, no ‘how are you?’, just work. “Gaz and I are going to come over, we need to talk in person. I take it you’re with John and the kid?”

Simon mumbles another ‘yes’ before Price can be heard by both men in the living room, “Wheels up in 30. Be with you in about an hour, two tops. Be good to see Soap again, more excited about meetin’ the little ‘un though.”

“She’s great, Price.” Simon mutters and Johnny watches him from the side, a small smile creeping onto his face.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Elizabeth peaking around the corner and she jumps back when Johnny spots her. He smiles at her and beckons her over, the little girl racing to Johnny and jumping onto him as she dives for the couch. He catches her under her arms and swings her up onto his lap. Simon places his phone down and sighs. He turns and sees Elizabeth sat on Johnny, playing with his hair and squeezing his face and smiles.

“Price and Gaz know something.” He informs, “They’re on their way over, wanna talk in person. I bet you’ve missed them, Gaz especially I presume. He’s missed you, I can guarantee that.”

Johnny nods and smiles, cuddling Elizabeth close and nuzzling her chin with his nose, making her squeal with laughter as he tickles her, “Papa stop!”

“Never,” Johnny growls, tickling her more and she shrieks out again, “I’m never letting you go!”

“Daddy, help!” She wails and Simon chuckles, snatching his daughter from Johnny and holding her away from him.

“He’s so cruel to you isn’t he darling?” Simon muses, holding Elizabeth like a baby and kissing her forehead lightly, “Such a meanie.”

“A big meanie.” Elizabeth agrees as Johnny pouts.

“Hey!”

For the umpteenth time in Johnny’s life, time seems to both halt and fly by. Before he knows it, there’s a knock at the door and Johnny’s breath stills completely. Five years. Five fucking years since he’s even spoken to his best friend and former Captain, never mind seen them. His stomach sinks as Simon clambers to his feet and answers the door.

Johnny grabs a tight hold of Elizabeth and stands, slowly making his way to the door too where he sees Price and Gaz. Price is carrying a folder, tucked under his arms, and a casual jacket covers his arms. His facial hair is most certainly within ‘old man beard’ territory now with his hair curling a little behind his ears. Certainly longer than Johnny’s ever seen it.

Gaz is timeless. There isn’t a hair out of place on his head, not a single wrinkle or crease extra to be found. His biggest change has nothing to do with aging at all, more like trauma. Blunt force, to be specific. There’s a bump on his forehead, no doubt aging now since it isn’t bruised, but fresh stitches cover a slight cut in it. Likely from the butt of a gun. Johnny’s own head aches as he remembers the many injuries of the like he himself sustained.

“Papa,” Elizabeth mutters, eyeing the men cautiously and nervously tucking her face into his neck, “They the men in the pictures?”

Johnny nods, “Yeah sweetheart, they’re mine and Daddy’s friends. Uncle Gaz and Grandpa Price. He ain’t really your Granda’, it’ll just drive him mad if you call him that.”

“Soap,” Price says, pushing past Simon with Gaz in tow. Gaz claps a hand onto Simons’ bicep before following after the Captain. Johnny feels like he’s about to be chewed out for dangerous decision making or the likes when Price stands before him until he takes note of the man’s eyes. Relief, “It’s bloody good to see you son.”

“You too, sir.”

Price turns to Elizabeth and holds a hand out to her, “I believe you’re Miss Elizabeth, is that right?”

She nods and gently puts her hand into Price’s, him shaking her hand with a warm smile on his face, “A pleasure to meet you, kiddo.”

Elizabeth wiggles out of Johnny’s hold and runs over to Simon, wanting to be held by him instead, and Gaz takes the opportunity to throw himself at Johnny. Johnny holds onto Gaz and feels tears brewing in his eyes.

“You’re a fucking moron, Soap,” Gaz mutters, “You and Simon. God I’ve fuckin’ missed you, brother.”

“I’ve missed you too, Gaz,” Johnny whispers, “Coulda done with you throughout all o’ this.”

Gaz chuckles, “I bet.”

Simon taps Gaz’s shoulder and gestures to the angry looking child in his arms, “She wants you to stop swearing.”

“Oh shit, uh, I mean, yeah, sure kiddo! Bad first impression of your Uncle Gaz, ai?” Gaz rubs the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly. Elizabeth giggles at him and nods.

“Papa swears all the time!” Elizabeth chuckles.

“No I do not!” Johnny yelps.

Price chortles, “Nothing’s changed there then has it MacTavish?”

“No Sir.” He sighs.

Before long, they’re all well acquainted once more and Elizabeth takes her time playing with each of them and gauging how she feels about them all. She has taken a liking to Gaz, mainly because he does silly voices when she plays with him, but she keeps gravitating towards Price and climbing into his lap when she gets tired.

Eventually, she only wants the embrace of her Papa and climbs up into his arms. She seems tired, presumably from all the running around and playing she’s been doing, and she starts to nod off whilst tucked in between Johnny and Simon on the couch.

Simon, always believing in ‘no time like the present’, turns his attention to Price and clears his throat, “Are you going to tell us what you found or just sit and make small talk all day?”

Price chuckles at the Lieutenants tone but his smile quickly falls, “Yeah it’s- well, it ain’t pleasant stuff.” He turns and looks at Elizabeth who is pulling on Johnny’s shirt and dancing one of her dinosaurs on his stomach as her eyes flutter slowly. “Perhaps she’d be better in bed?”

Johnny nods and goes to move with Lizzie but she just whines and clutches onto Johnny tighter, “Baby, don’t you want to go to sleep? I will tuck you and Ricky in.” Ricky is her dinosaur pal.

She shakes her head, “A wanna cuddle.”

“We’re going to be having a rubbish grown up conversation,” He tries to reason, “Are you sure?”

She nods fervently, “I go sleepy here, Papa.”

“Alright, love, come here.” He holds her more comfortably and strokes her hair softly as she goes back to drifting off. He gestures towards Price and allows him to proceed.

“I’ll cut to the chase then,” Price clears his throat and stretches back into the chair, “Gaz and I did some digging, got in touch with Laswell too. All the calls are recorded and such and, well, the ones from you were locked away. When we listened, it was General Sutton that shut you down. I think he heard about your ‘situation’, John, because the last thing we picked up on was you saying you were expecting before the line went dead.”

Johnny shrinks into himself, “I- I already thought they hung up on me. That was the day I found out, I was sat on the bathroom floor crying and begging for them to let me speak to you or Simon.”

Price nods, “We know, son. Turns out, Sutton had plans for Ghost. Sent Simon out near enough the following day. Every call of yours, every letter, it’s been blocked or returned. Sutton wouldn’t let this slip up. He had heard what you said and knew that if Simon caught wind of it, he would’ve left and he didn’t want that.”

“That prick,” Simon grumbles, “Damn near killed me on those jobs and kept me away from this? From everything!”

“Sutton didn’t want to admit it, but Gaz and I- well- let’s just say we ‘forcefully’ took him, and we questioned him about it. He spilled his own secrets pretty quickly. Told us how he hated MacTavish, couldn’t believe the 141 took him in, hated the image we were giving the military by having John yet he recognised that you’re a bloody good soldier, Soap. He said that with you gone, we couldn’t afford to lose Ghost too and so, he elaborated this whole coverup so Simon would never find out about Elizabeth. Made you think that Simon forgot about you and Simon- he made you think John moved on.” Price finishes.

Simon looks at Gaz who is staring at his lap. He has anger seething from him and Simon recognises that they’re all hurt by this.

He turns to Elizabeth, tucked into Johnny’s side snoozing away, and sees his daughter. He’s not exaggerating when he says he could’ve died. There were a few close calls, a couple near misses and some poor timing over the last few years that nearly stripped his baby girl from ever meeting him.

Just like Johnny said, regardless of what he thinks of himself, his daughter looks at him like he’s made of gold and the thought of dying in the dirt without ever seeing her beautiful face or without ever making her smile the way she does around him almost kills him there and then.

He clenches his fist and mulls over Price’s words. It doesn’t fully sink in before Johnny speaks.

“Y’know when I was a kid and I first came out, I thought about the other kid’s reactions. How I was gonna be treated by them was all that mattered. I didn’t think I’d still be dealing with how people treat me just because I am who I am.” Johnny mumbles, curled up on the couch. Elizabeth is flat out and panned across Johnny whilst Simon is tightly pressed on the other side of her, practically cuddling Johnny.

He reaches behind the couch and grabs a hold of the scruff of Johnny’s neck. He pulls him towards him and Johnny gets the message and rests his head on Simon’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

Gaz clears his throat and speaks up. His tone indicative of his fighting tongue; “Sutton has been discharged. Dishonourably.”

“Good fuckin’ riddance if you ask me.” Price mutters. He clambers to his feet and gestures to the sliding door that leads to the barely-there balcony of the flat. Smoke break. Johnny nods as he strides over to the door.

“Swear,” Elizabeth mutters, “No swearing.”

Johnny and Simon look down and Johnny pouts, “Oh sweetheart, you don’t look comfortable at all. C’mon, let’s get you comfy.”

He stands up and sits her on his hip, her head pressed to his neck as he carries her through to his room.

Gaz turns to Simon, “He’s a natural Dad, huh?”

Simon nods, “He’s fuckin’ perfect, Garrick. Could do it all on his own if he had to.”

“But you don’t want him to?” Gaz asks.

Simon shakes his head, “God no.”

Johnny sits on the floor beside Elizabeth’s bed, knelt on his knees as he ricks her in and makes Ricky the Dinosaur kiss her nose. She giggles sleepily and grabs ahold of Ricky.

“Love you, Papa.” She mumbles, snuggling her toy.

Johnny leans over and kisses her forehead, brushing her crazy hair back as he smiles, “I love you more, darling girl.”

He sits for a while, just watching her as she sleeps. He strokes her hair repeatedly and sighs softly, a warm smile on his face.

The door clicks behind him and his shoulders tense.

“Is she asleep?” Simon’s voice breaks the silence.

Johnny nods. He hardly trusts his voice right now. Simon sits beside him and a hand snakes around his waist, “Johnny? Talk to me.”

Johnny turns to Simon, makes momentary eye contact, and tears immediately trickle down his face. Simon falters but quickly bundles Johnny into his arms and holds him tightly.

“I’m sorry Simon, I’m so so sorry.” Johnny hiccups, “If I’d have just- I don’t know. You would’ve known her, you would’ve been here from the beginning if I’d have just been- if I hadn’t-”

“Johnny don’t you dare say that,” Simon shoves him aside a little and grabs his face, staring into his eyes, “Don’t you think for one second that this would’ve all been fine if you hadn’t of been yourself. We would’ve never met, Elizabeth wouldn’t even bloody exist and you- Johnny you wouldn’t have been you. Shit happens, especially to us, but we’re here now and we have a beautiful daughter to look after. Let’s leave the past where it bloody belongs.”

Johnny nods a little, not breaking eye contact, and the tears just coat his lashes whilst his eyes remain shiny with unshed pain. Simon pulls him in close again and feels Johnny hug back. A slight chuckle sounds from Johnny, “Never thought I’d hear the day you, of all people, would say to leave the past in the past.”

Simon laughs a little too and rests his head on Johnny’s, “Yeah well I’m a little sick of living in the past. I want to live in the present, right now, where I have you and I have Elizabeth. I have the two things I’ve always needed but didn’t know what I was missing out on until I had it. Until I had you both.”

“We need you, Simon Riley,” Johnny sighs, watching his daughter as she breathes peacefully through her sleep. Simon does the same. “We need you so much more than you’ll ever know.”

[ballparkscubicle]

White Rose Au

Cw: implied csa, transphobia, internalized homophobia, dubious sugar daddy, pregnancy, and implied abuse

Rowan is a porn star, and Adonis is a handyman. They meet in a pretty normal situation growing to be friends and eventually fuck buddies. Though they both want more than that.

Rowan was abused despite being sheltered, leading to his hypersexual tendencies and later work in the porn industry, so when he came out as trans at age eighteen, he was rejected by his family.

Rowan was able to make out with a good chunk of money that he saved and invested, but he picked up a job stripping due to not having any job experience after dropping out of college.

From there, he went through a rough four years, refusing to touch his money out of stubbornness, so he only had the money from stripping.

Eventually, he got a sugar daddy, but it wasn't the best situation. When the man passed away of old age, Rowan was picked up by Adina at the funeral who he knew from his time to being a sugar baby.

Adina let him crash with her for a month before offering him a job as a receptionist, to which Rowan asks if he can be a model for her.

After that, he gets famous pretty quickly and is able to afford to move out and get his own apartment, leading to him meeting Adonis.

He meets Adonis because he needs work done on his apartment, and Adonis is like, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" Because he *watches* Rowan's films, even though he claims to be straight, and now he's working on shit in Rowan’s house!

Rowan is just lounging while Adonis works on putting in a new bath, and then Adonis freaks out internally when Rowan offers him water and a sandwich.

Rowan in real life is a brat, much like some of the roles he plays, so Adonis stalling and not accepting the food and drink makes Rowan annoyed. He says something bitchy after Adonis takes the stuff and Adonis without thinking says "you really are a brat!"

Rowan just looks at him with an "oh you watch my porn" look, causing Adonis to immediately turn around and walk back to the bathroom, lock the door, and quietly eat the sandwich.

Rowan and Adonis eventually become friends leading to them fucking. They develop feelings for each other but don't say anything, because they think the other doesn't want a serious relationship.

They get into a nasty fight before Rowan can tell Adonis he's pregnant. Adonis meets Arlo and they get together. Adonis eventually finds out that Rowan is pregnant six months in, and he freaks out because he is scared Rowan will die.

When he finds out its twins, he thinks that he'll lose Rowan and the babies for sure. After the boys are born, they decide to name them Liam and Ermis. Rowan and Adonis get a townhouse after they officially get together, so they have room for the twins and Mila.

Arlo and Adonis were together during the six months between the fight Adonis and Rowan had, and when Adonis found out Rowan was pregnant.

Arlo was the one to encourage Adonis to go back to Rowan and see if he wanted to rekindle the relationship and get help from Adonis. When Arlo’s job goes out of business, Adonis wants to take him in, and Rowan is like, "I guess that man means something to you. He can stay…”

To which Arlo is so helpful and genuinely nice Rowan starts to see what Adonis saw in him. Arlo becomes a house husband and takes care of Mila, Ermis, and Liam during the days Rowan and Adonis work. Arlo homeschools Mila along with private tutors due to her getting in fights with bullies.

[jacks-dark-oc-stuff]

White Rose Au

Cw: implyed csa, transphobia, internalized homophobia, dubious sugar daddy, pregnancy, and impyed abuse

Rowan is a porn star, and Adonis is a handyman. They meet in a pretty normal situation growing to be friends and eventually fuck buddies. Though they both want more than that.

Edited to add a bit of info.

Rowan was abused despite being sheltered, leading to his hyper sexual tendencies and later work in the porn industry, so when he came out as trans at age eighteen, he was rejected by his family.

Rowan was able to make out with a good chunk of money that he saved and invested, but he picked up a job stripping due to not having any job experience after dropping out of college.

From there, he went through a rough four years, refusing to touch his money out of stubbornness, so he only had the money from stripping.

Eventually, he got a sugar daddy, but it wasn't the best situation. When the man passed away of old age, Rowan was picked up by Adina at the funeral who he knew from his time to being a sugar baby.

Adina let him crash with her for a month before offering him a job as a receptionist, to which Rowan asks if he can be a model for her.

After that, he gets famous pretty quickly and is able to afford to move out and get his own apartment, leading to him meeting Adonis.

He meets Adonis because he needs work done on his apartment, and Adonis is like, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" Because he *watches* Rowan's films, even though he claims to be straight, and now he's working on shit in Rowan’s house!

Rowan is just lounging while Adonis works on putting in a new bath, and then Adonis freaks out internally when Rowan offers him water and a sandwich.

Rowan in real life is a brat, much like some of the roles he plays, so Adonis stalling and not accepting the food and drink makes Rowan annoyed. He says something bitchy after Adonis takes the stuff and Adonis without thinking says "you really are a brat!"

Rowan just looks at him with an "oh you watch my porn" look, causing Adonis to immediately turn around and walk back to the bathroom, lock the door, and quietly eat the sandwich.

Rowan and Adonis eventually become friends leading to them fucking. They develop feelings for each other but don't say anything, because they think the other doesn't want a serious relationship.

They get into a nasty fight before Rowan can tell Adonis he's pregnant. Adonis meets Arlo and they get together. Adonis eventually finds out that Rowan is pregnant six months in, and he freaks out because he is scared Rowan will die.

When he finds out its twins, he thinks that he'll lose Rowan and the babies for sure. After the boys are born, they decide to name them Liam and Ermis. Rowan and Adonis get a townhouse after they officially get together, so they have room for the twins and Mila.

Arlo and Adonis were together during the six months between the fight Adonis and Rowan had, and when Adonis found out Rowan was pregnant.

Arlo was the one to encourage Adonis to go back to Rowan and see if he wanted to rekindle the relationship and get help from Adonis. When Arlo’s job goes out of business, Adonis wants to take him in, and Rowan is like, "I guess that man means something to you. He can stay…”

To which Arlo is so helpful and genuinely nice Rowan starts to see what Adonis saw in him. Arlo becomes a house husband and takes care of Mila, Ermis, and Liam during the days Rowan and Adonis work. Arlo homeschools Mila along with private tutors due to her getting in fights with bullies.

[fanoftheimagines]

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Last Updated: 6/3/25

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